Monday, May 21, 2012

A quick lesson in showing vs. telling

In chapter 25 of Beholder's Eye, I had the following opening paragraph:

     Paulette Sampson is tied to a bed, her mouth gagged.  The room is lit by a dozen or more candles, revealing the lack of decorum along the bare paneled walls.

Okay, there are several problems with this paragraph, the first of which is a lot of telling.  I tell you she is tied to a bed.  With what, you may ask.  So, I take the opening sentence and change it into this:

     Paulette Sampson tries to move, but the leather bindings on her wrists and ankles, secured to the head and foot of the small bed, hinders much movement.  The best she can do is twist, to give her backside a little breather.

Much better, right?

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